'In my view the provisions of the Digital Economy Bill (HL) are compatible with the Convention rights.'"
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Apologies, but the formatting on this platform is fucking mental bad.
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So I've been drinking fairly lightly for the past hour or so. Which to anyone else is like trying to out-drink a concrete elephant over the period of eight-million years. Forgive my rambling. It's not for you. It's for me.
Hung Parliament
What it is not: a really brilliant porn starring Geoff Hoon and Stephen Byers who rent out the House of Commons, and the Speaker, as a venue and participant in the 2010 porn version of the X-games. Prizes awarded for best impression of Ron Jeremy.
What it is: totally dependant on where you stand. If you've got a brain and favour the most democratic form of electoral-system (proportional representation - where votes mean something, and losing the popular vote means you lose) then you'd probably be satisfied with this outcome. If, however, you've never been educated in politics then you're probably like all the other proles in this country. You know the internet lets you find shit out for yourself, yeah? Well, as long as you never verbatim quote it. It basically means that no party has enough of a majority in the House of Commons to ever pass legislation without the aid of the minority party/ies.
What it would mean for Britain: the only possibility of this country ever being steered in the right direction. It would provide the Liberal Democrats (see below), and possibly even the Greens room to have a say in legislation. It would not, however, be fully on them - so there's no possibility of them getting stage-fright. They would simply be the party which has the crucial vote in slight ties.
What it would mean for Britain: it might mean that we encounter an American-style 'gridlock':wherein there are so many factions and political machinations battling it out over the piece of legislation that it never gets any traction in the House; basically meaning that it grinds to a halt - like traffic. Hence gridlock. This would only happen if the individuals' egos were too vast to be contained by anything so pathetic as 'the good of the country'. So, yeah, this'll probably happen. Bad news for journalists on the British equivalent of The Hill (would that be like... a bridge or something?)
The Liberal Democrats
What they are not: a liberal party.
What they are: the most liberal party in Britain (well, that has views acceptable within any form of mainstream society. The Monster-raving-loonies have some good things to say on human rights, but have patently ludicrous ideas about slavery. Or is that the Standing-at-the-back-dressed-stupidly-and-looking-stupid-party?)
What they mean for Britain: very little. The chances of the Lib Dems being elected, with a majority, in my lifetime, are so immeasurably tiny that you'd genuinely have to like... get down on your knees with a big telescope or something to see them. If you slice an atom in half, and then put that through a surrealism-blender and then shit out the contents, then sift through your own excrement. Then you'll find the chances. You'll also have a good chance to get a look at something I will discuss later on (see: The Conservatives).
What they mean for Britain: probably loads. If the Lib Dems get any kind of representation in Parliament, it'll be a good day for civil liberties, the rights of the student, gay rights, etc. etc.. Think of anyone in a minority, or anyone who has been shafted, then make them happy -- there you have the bulk of the Lib Dems' wishy-washy policy manifesto. Alas, in reality their manifesto is almost interchangeable with the other two parties'. I will discuss problems with the two-party system later. It would be a good indication that the right-wing-radicalism of parties such as the BNP (British Nationalist Party) are actually cloistered in very specific, niche parts of the country. And not as we're all concerned about: that the fear of multi-culturalism has spread so wide that people are afraid of everyone.
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Lol, accidentally just closed this window. It saved a draft ♥♥♥ (thanks to anon. stranger for that).
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The Conservatives
What they are not: human.
What they are: piddling, elitist, remnant of when Britain had a visibly demarcated class-system; not one based on arbitrarily drawn-up poverty statistics.
What they mean for Britain: astonishingly little. Whilst the chances of them winning a huge slice of the seats is high, they probably won't win enough to form a majority government. Even if they did, their similarities to Labour are numerous: aside from the EU, it would merely be a new face left ruining the fucked place. Whilst Cameron (David) is an enigmatic, charismatic leader - and thus entirely different to Mr. Brown (nominative determinism, google it) - he's also an oleaginous creep, devoid of human emotion. Like a slick android beamed down by some sadomasochistic future-planet, emptily shaking hands with dignitaries and bemoaning the state of Britain under Labour are his only tools for betterment. One day we will have a visitation from the sick brainchild behind him, and that will be the day we realise that all politicians are in fact cast in a mould somewhere thousands of miles away - and it's not until the journey that they lose all sense of dignity.
What they mean for Britain: less EU. More elitism. Less taxes for rich-os. Blathering rubbish about the NHS, schooling, etc.. More grammar schools. Less governmental intrusion. Small government. Think of them as the Republicans. But with less guns. And slightly more brains.
Labour
What they are not: useful, a form of work, good at anything.
What they are: responsible for overseeing the death of a country which could have been salvaged. Just to list a few things they (could) be blamed for (viably, and fairly): allegedly colluding with other first-world nations in the incarceration and torture of detainees who had not been formally tried for any crime; overseeing the worst record of social-service success (like children who were tortured near to death in a place where the government had already stepped in to oversee the local social services. Incidentally, the kids who did it were known to at least 6 different agencies which represented child welfare at the time); overseeing the biggest economic slump in living history (or since like... miners or something); having the least pleasing faces in politics; politiking the life out of the legislative system; taking us on an illegitimate crusade in the middle-east, to the cost of thousands of lives of British soldiers and innocent civilians in the respective territories, and bringing back the harbinger of doom: Mr. Mandelson.
What they mean for Britain: fuck all. No possibility of them retaining the incumbency into next year.
What they mean for Britain: years more of a failing NHS, years more of failing schools, more horrendous legislation which seeks to deprive citizens of basic human rights (such as the right to privacy), years more scandal (such as cash for peers, MPs-for-hire, MPs'-claims fiascos), and years more of allowing Britain to fester in the cesspool of International ignominy and ridicule. If it were allowed, and foreseeable, we would soon be lampooned worldwide for being a laughable demonstration of a pretence of democracy. In their short - relative - tenure the Labour party has alienated every one and their sister: forcing through laws devoid of promised referendum, putting us at the forefront of illegitimate wars, etc.. With Labour there will never be electoral reform, proper gay rights, codification of civil liberties inherent within a working democratic society &c..
The BNP
What they are not: good.
What they are: right-wing-pseudo-fascists.
What they mean for Britain: I am too scared to imagine.
What they mean for Britain: no seriously I am petrified.
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Interim honourable mention for the only politician I can think of off the top of my head whom I respect: Chris Huhne. Stand-up gentlemen who should be in charge of the country. Logistically flawed, but wonderfully idealistic. Reminds me of the banner behind President Bartlett (The West Wing, Season 1): "Realistic Idealism". That'd be great.
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Two-party/tier system
What it is not: a wonderful night out involving more than one social gathering.
What it is: flawed version of election in which no one really gets what they deserve, and anyone can win even without winning the majority of the votes. See: American system of election.
What it means: fuck all. Should be done away with. Electoral reform will never happen with Labour incumbent, because it would mean the end of them. Good. Riddance. Etc.. Very loose version of democratic election. Should be called a republic. Silly. Anyway.
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No more to say. Thank god for you, eh!?
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