Tolstoy had nothing on me; in fact, I think retrospectively; a posthumous nod to a fellow literary genius. From War and Peace to A needless diatribe - are we all seeing the quite obvious link there? I don't want to have to spell it out for you, because it's like a million am and I'm too tired. Hopefully you see the reality of what I'm saying.
So yeah, major hating on being tired. I bet you, like me, have got a friend who says something awful like: "I woke up so refreshed this morning, I wasn't tired at all"; and, like me, I suspect every time they say that, you want to beat them resoundingly around the head with a steel pipe, slice open their dented skull, and gorge on the intellectual pestilence inside. You know you do. Crack it, mack it. Americanism ftl. I hate people who sleep well - all of those bastards who maintain the 1 in 7 people are asleep in under 10 minutes statistic. They can all fuck off. Insomnia websites can fuck off too (the irony is beyond belief) when they say: "If you haven't managed to fall asleep within 20 minutes, get up and do something." I don't think I've ever fallen asleep in under 20 minutes apart from occasions of inebriation, or post-coitus. Though when those two are mixed, I can normally fall asleep during the loving, or even ante it if I've had enough beer!
I've tried very hard to stabilise a sleep routine; hoping to create it so that I can fall straight into stage 3, and wake up during stage 1 (boring sleep patterns). If you can manage this, you sleep nice and deeply, but when you wake up, you don't have to fight to get your eyelids open. That's another thing: The human body is miraculous, an impressive testament to the ingenuity of evolution, and the disingenuous bastard that is Mssrs. Nature. She can lick. My. Balls. They give you this body; this unbelievable creation capable of thought, of movement, of running, of jumping, of contortion, of cognition, of love, of emotion - but they give you the weakest god-damn 'levator palpebrae superioris muscle' - or eye muscle to you (that's a nice truncation of this phrase, for my own superiority).
Those fuckers just will not stay open. This is how the day runs:
8.30 - 10: Wake up (between, it doesn't take that long). Eyelids glued to eyes for first twenty minutes; awful build up of that soggy shit.
2 minutes later: Plod downstairs to get a coffee. Whilst kettle boils, wash face. Eyelids half open, useful for navigating sandstorms; not great for the administering of beans to a cup.
5 minutes later: Crawl upstairs to drink coffee and read news. Eyes hurt when looking at screen, because they've been closed for the past 30 minutes of being awake. Takes a while for page to swim into focus. Eyelids drooping until coffee takes effect.
[...] ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Time passes~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
15.00: Tired. Need more coffee. Eyelids drooping again, having to force self to engage in mindless conversation simply to keep brain functioning, and eyelids open.
[...] ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Time passes~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
20.00: Running solely on nicotine and caffeine. Eyes closed from now until bed.
02.00: In bed. Eyes closed for past 120 minutes. Dead.
Fuck eyes.
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